Terrified

Why do I feel as if I'm in over my head? Why did I let my dear, sweet husband talk me into this? I guess I should back up for a minute and explain for those of you who don't know me. If you were to google "socially inept" I'm pretty sure you'd find a picture of me. I was not raised in a social household and I'm horrible at meeting new people and making small talk. Once I get to know people, that's old news and I can function like a normal person but I just don't have the social graces that come so naturally to most.

My husband, Jacob, is exactly the opposite. He's the type you can take to a function where he doesn't know a soul and he'll find something to talk about with anyone and everyone. He enjoys entertaining and throwing parties. Opposites attract and he's a good influence on me but I'm seriously stressing about the newest venture he's gotten us involved in.

Over the last few years Jacob has gotten us involved in church. I was never a church person. We really enjoyed the pastor that married us so I agreed to go with Jacob to see what his church was all about. Strangely enough, I came to enjoy it. Next, Jacob felt we needed to be more active in church and help give back. He felt a pull to work with the youth group but the church already had that covered. Instead he's been working in children's ministry, teaching the 5th & 6th graders. I, in the mean time, chose to work with the 2 and 3 year olds which is much more my style. After all, my son is in that group and I know how to interact with little ones. We have lots of fun and no social graces are required. For me it's still a huge shock that I'm a Sunday school teacher!!

Fast forward to tonight. The husband and wife that were leading the youth group had to step down to deal with some personal problems. Jacob was asked if he was willing to take it over and keep it going. He and I talked it over and agreed that it would be a good move for him. I wasn't thinking clearly and didn't think it involved me since I work evenings and wouldn't be there for the majority of their meetings. The next thing I know, Jacob and I are listed on the church website as the youth leaders and we're attending their meeting where the previous couple announce that they are stepping down and we're taking over. Yikes!!

I'm in a panic. The previous couple are well loved and they leave behind big shoes to fill. Jacob will do great but these kids are also looking to me to fill the role of the female role model. I'm terrified of having to make sure these kids spiritual needs are met without letting them down. The meeting tonight was awful! I just felt so bad that the couple these kids know and love are leaving them, and in my inept hands to boot. I know I need to get over it, and I probably will but here I am venting instead of sleeping because it's a little overwhelming.

Now all that's left is figuring out the scheduling. I could have Jacob set both the current nights for nights that I'm at work but as terrified as I am, I feel like I should be there for the youth group. They are used to having a female half to bring their concerns to and if this is going to be a big part of Jacob's life, I feel as though I should be there. So do we give up our one night that we get to spend together as a family with no commitments or do we leave our adult bible study so that we can do family night and youth group night? I guess I just have to pray and it will all work out. =)

Whew, I feel much better now that I've vented it all out. I know it will all work out but it gets overwhelming. Thanks for listening.